Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
