I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
