when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
