I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
