You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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