in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I party with great urgency now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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