I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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