my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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