I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would ride that face into the sunset
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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