I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
