Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart