i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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