the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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