You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.