Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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  (203): I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket. http://tfl.nu/3353
  Replies (28) Good night (1340) Bad night (534)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff

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  (850): Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff http://tfl.nu/wuol
  Replies (12) Good night (3614) Bad night (677)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

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  (404): There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase http://tfl.nu/jdu6
  Replies (25) Good night (9312) Bad night (1078)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.

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  (469): Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me. http://tfl.nu/jccz
  Replies (26) Good night (965) Bad night (4016)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.

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  (253): once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced. http://tfl.nu/7kbq
  Replies (38) Good night (3536) Bad night (2181)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library

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  (203): shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library http://tfl.nu/bbu0
  Replies (6) Good night (3159) Bad night (810)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.

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  (248): Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police. http://tfl.nu/zopt
  Replies (9) Good night (1615) Bad night (4501)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure

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  (413): you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure http://tfl.nu/kagu
  Replies (6) Good night (3383) Bad night (627)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?

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  (308): And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night? http://tfl.nu/df5d
  Replies (7) Good night (2458) Bad night (763)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk

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  (410): I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk http://tfl.nu/te86
  Replies (12) Good night (1204) Bad night (661)
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  (569): View more from

  we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh

  (784): View more from St. Vincent/Grenadines

  it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.

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  (569): we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh (784): it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here. http://tfl.nu/bl8m
  Replies (0) Good night (1002) Bad night (305)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk

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  (920): I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk http://tfl.nu/qdf4
  Replies (1) Good night (913) Bad night (266)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.

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  (775): Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital. http://tfl.nu/63us
  Replies (0) Good night (537) Bad night (252)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete

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  (970): This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete http://tfl.nu/utyk
  Replies (4) Good night (244) Bad night (561)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely

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  (617): no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely http://tfl.nu/0b34
  Replies (6) Good night (292) Bad night (742)

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