giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.