So drunk its hurt
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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