I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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