I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
