wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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