shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
