I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
