Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
