wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
