I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
