So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I party with great urgency now.
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