i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
