I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
