WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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