you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
