We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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