I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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