is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
