I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
