so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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