Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
