that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
