I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize