So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
honey bunches of taint.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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