WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
