He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
