just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
