i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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