I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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