you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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