did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
