Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
