I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
