apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
