i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
