I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
