Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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