Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
