plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
