I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
