About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
