i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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