I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
