you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
