Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
