i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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