I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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