you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
