Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
