i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
