he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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