On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
