wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
