if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
