It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
