Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.