Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.