Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!