just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
