also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
