Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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