Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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