You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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