I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
