Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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