I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
