Swine flu is the new snow day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
