its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
