I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
