I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
barbara walters just said penis...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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