She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
