Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
